Alex Staniforth is an English adventurer, speaker, author, and charity ambassador. He has made two attempts to climb Mount Everest and completed numerous endurance challenges. In his guest blog, Alex highlights how we can help anyone, especially men, begin difficult conversations around mental health and seek help. 

“Men don’t talk about mental health”.

It seems quite a bold and perhaps generalised statement to make. But is there truth to this?

The statistics might suggest so. Men aged 20-40 are half as likely to go to their GP as women of the same age, and according to the Mental Health Foundation, only 36% of referrals to NHS talking therapies are for men.

Only 60 percent of men go to the doctor for a yearly routine check-up, and are more likely to die prematurely than women.

87% of rough sleepers in the UK are men.

3 out of 4 suicides are also by men. But is talking the only remedy?

From my personal experience, it’s one of the first and most important steps towards resolving or improving a problem. I have experienced anxiety for most of my life, numerous bouts of depression, and I suffered with the eating disorder bulimia for nearly 8 years. It’s hard to imagine that I now openly talk about these things to hundreds of people on stage as a keynote speaker.

Speaking to my GP for the first time was an utterly terrifying experience. In hindsight, it’s hard to understand exactly why. Perhaps I saw it as a flaw in my character, or I worried about the reaction of others. I was always the athlete, the adventurer and the ‘mentally tough’ person. But after having the self-awareness to recognise the problem, there was acceptance, then the action and commitment to resolve it.

We all face challenges: whether it’s financial worries, relationship struggles, a health problem or mental health battles. How can we help anyone, especially men, to open the conversation and seek help?

Change the environment

Through our charity work at Mind Over Mountains, we find that men will talk providing you create a safe environment for them to do so. Walking side-by-side in nature makes it so much easier to talk openly and to share what’s really going on for us. Removing the eye contact of a face-to-face situation allows us to hide the emotional reactions that men in particular like to avoid. If you know someone who might have changed their behaviour and going through a tough time, inviting them for a walk or drive somewhere might be just what they need. We all have advice givers in our lives – our ethos in the charity is that we aren’t there to fix anyone. We just listen, without pressure, judgement or expectation.

How are you, out of 10?

I picked up this concept from Talk Club, a brilliant UK mental health charity offering male support groups, with the first question being: ‘How are you, out of 10?’

How often do we say “I’m fine” when we’re actually the opposite? Explaining why we chose this number is subjective, giving others an opportunity to gently probe deeper and help ourselves understand why we feel a certain way. Starting a conversation with “I’ve had a horrible day!” creates a safe opportunity for others to disclose the same.

Mental fitness

We tend to view mental health as a black or white situation. In reality we’re always somewhere on the spectrum, and we can all experiences periods of poor mental well-being due to the things happening in our lives. Re-framing mental health as ‘mental fitness’ is more appealing to men given the stigma that sadly still lingers. ‘Fitness’ is also a more proactive concept – it’s something we have to keep working on and maintain; just like our physical fitness in the gym.

The positive multiplier effect

My own turning point came when I realised that speaking out could help others too. I read an article in The Guardian about a sub-elite marathon runner who had also suffered bulimia. For the first time I had found someone just like me who had the same problem. So I was no longer alone, and I couldn’t blame myself or a flaw of character. It was terrifying to post my own story on a website blog, but I only had an overwhelmingly positive response. It created a space for others to share their own struggles, and so we create what I call a positive multiplier effect where these stories are normalised. Knowing that my struggles might help others gives me a sense of purpose, and getting messages from men (and women) that my talks have helped them realise they aren’t alone, and that things can get better, brings meaning to these challenges.

When was the last time you had an open conversation with the men in your life?

We should redefine the masculine concept of strength, and celebrate our vulnerability and asking for help: it’s our greatest strength of all.

Sources:

https://www.menandboyscoalition.org.uk/statistics/

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/statistics/men-women-statistics